Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
