I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
