Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
