happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
