So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
