Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
you traded sex for a burrito?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
