btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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