so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
