just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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