Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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