So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
