idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
