You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
