ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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