3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
