jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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