It's Friday. Sex?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
