I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
