Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
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I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
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I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize