We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
