6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
