Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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