a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He has the fingertips of a God
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
