My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
