Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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