Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
