i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
