I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
