you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
