Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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