Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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