if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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