Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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