we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
