we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
