he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
