it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
