Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
