We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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