You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
