I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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