he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
