i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
