I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My liver just had a heart attack.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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