I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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