yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
