I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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