It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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