Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
