break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
