I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
