you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
