Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
