You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He did a backflip because drugs
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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