i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
