Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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