i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
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I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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