"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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