Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
