I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
