she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
