My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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