U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
There are leaves in my underwear?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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