you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
