You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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