Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
