He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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