i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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