i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
