dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
