i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This house was built for laser tag.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
