I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
