So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
