i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
