So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
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I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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