sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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