I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
