I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
