my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize