I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
