respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
