i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
