It's Friday. Sex?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
