I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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