OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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