I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize