Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
