Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
