I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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